Seeing the Light.

(Lost Freak Mode)

After the flying dust, the excess of alcohol and a really disordered interchange of body fluids, i can say that last night i attended the hardest party i've ever been in my whole miserable life. I stood in front of Hell's damned doors, without crossing the line, even if i had lots of reasons to do it. I was such a sinner, i had everything it actually takes to burn in the hellfire, but i had a very strong reason to be alive as well. Or i better say, i was someone else's reason to keep my soul inside my body. A boy, more exactly a real man, was my excuse to be still alive. Why? Because he was able to stand my rash and erratic behavior.
Just the morning after the biggest display of degeneration that came from myself, i found my guardian angel. He was hidden there for months and years, but i was so blinded that i couldn't remember him well.

- Oh, last night i had a great time. By the way, i haven't seen you before at the band's parties. How do you know us?
- Well... i actually have been at all of your parties. But you didn't realize that i was there. I'm stealth all the time. But i know you more than you think.
- Are you a stalker, or what? Or are you just a crazy groupie?
- Oh, no! I am just and old friend! Don't you remember me?
- Ah, uh...
- ...
- ... no.
- So... nice to meet you again, Charlotte. I'm Sidney. Sid Morrison.
- Sid? The Sid i threw up on when we were attending high school?
- The same one. I'm your biggest fan!
- Oh. I'm so embarrassed!
- No worries. It was an accident. It was the accident that made you my best friend.
- I couldn't figure out what happened with you after i left the city... i really don't remember it now!
- I sent you lots of letters! Didn't you read them?
- Quite frankly, i don't read letters since we started touring.
- Uh. Now i see it.

Sid stood up, disappointed. I told him so many secrets and shared so many things with him when we were younger, that i felt really bad when he left the tour bus, leaving me so alone and sad, that not even Jackie or Adam would comfort me again.

When i drunk another glass of my favorite Old No. 7, i managed to remember Sid's last words before i left the school: "I believe i will be your guardian angel until i die. Do you know why? You mean a lot to me since i saw you for the first time. I liked your smile, your eyes, your face and your whole true self. I know it's too fast to say it, but... i have to say it. I'm in love with you. More than only your friend, i want to be entirely yours. Take your time to understand it. I will be waiting all the time you want me to wait. Think about it".

I thought about it. He was able to stand all my drama, my bad traits, my madness, my multiple nervous crisis, my drunkness and highness and anything i would eventually do. He was ready for all the tension i was going to cause. He got prepared for the curse i set on him with my feelings. I got overwhelmed due to his decision of sharing his life with me. He decided to take the risk for a bit of my love. I got out of the tour bus before it was too late, and decided to show him my feelings.

- Sid, wait! Don't leave like this!
- Ok. Tell me why not and i will stay. Give me a very good reason.
- I'm your reason. You're here for me, and i will have a chance with you.
- What?
- Yes. I will be with you. For all the memories that came to my mind right now. Do you still feel all those things for me?
- Yes, i do!
- Then i promise you that i'll reward it. Thank you so much for being there for me, even if i wasn't able to see you.
- I hope you see me more often. And i hope you show me the affection i've been secretly showing to you!

He received more than what he expected. Thanks to him, i was seeing the light, finally... i was letting everything go, just to be with him... and loving him until the end of my existance was one of my main goals... He saved me from hell, and that was my way i could thank him for all the pain he relieved from my shoulders. I might be a burden, but it's better when you get some help to carry on.